Wednesday, December 19, 2007

How to Comfort in a Difficult Time

Last night I was able to go to a church function and see a lot of people I know. It was great to be with friends. One of my friends asked me how she could help someone who is going through a situation similar to what my family and I have been through. It made me realize that there are probably many of you wondering the same thing. I know it is tough to feel helpless and you don't know what to say. Here are the things that I really appreciated:

1. Just an email letting me know you are thinking of me.
2. Commenting on my blog that I am in your prayers.
3. A card in the mail.
4. Bringing dinner by unexpectedly.
5. Bringing a Christmas tree while I am gone because you know I won't get a chance to with it being so close to Christmas. (This was an AWESOME surprise.)
6. Offering to come with me to take care of Bryce. (Sarah, you are amazing! This was such a blessing!)
7. Coming to the funeral to show love and support.
8. Asking me about my dad so I can share the wonderful things about him. (This is a tough one because you know that it will make me cry.)
9. Just a phone call to check in on me.

Now I know everyone is not the same, but I know most people just want to know that they are cared about. I understand that many of you don't know what to say, but just knowing I am not alone is enough sometimes. Sometimes I want to be alone, and other times alone is the last thing I need to be. Please just don't be afraid to show me or someone else in a similar situation that you love them. We are all doing the best we can. Let's be there for each other.

Please post if you have any other suggestions for my friend.

I will post updates on my children soon.


katie said...


i love the list. i think you hit it, i also think sometimes just saying i am sorry, not going into the whole, what a blessing, he is better, etc. I don't know about you, but for me (and I have never lost a parent, I am just talking that through some of my other trials) I knew these things, I have faith and believe these things, but I am human and to be going through what I am going through at that time is more than I can bare I feel. I think sometimes not trying to overtalk it.

I have been thinking of you, praying for you and your mom. May his spirit be so close this Christmas.

I am coming to Oregon on Saturday and might just have to stop in and say hi

katie said...

oh, thought of another... not comparing how you handled things, or what you went through. We all grieve different, we are all different, like you said just being there. Just a small gesture of real empathy.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for your seem to be a very strong woman with many people that love you around to support through this trial. You are a blessed person.
You are in my prayers.....

Lancey's Mom said...

My name is Lynn. I live in a small suburb of Chicago. What a wonderful gift in your father's memory to be documenting this for your children for when they are older. I will pray for you and your family through this holiday season.
I stumbled upon your blog while researching pregnancy and running marathons. My husband was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 36 and has undergone 2 stem cell transplants during 2006. Running was incredibly therauputic for me during these last couple years and helped me keep my sanity so I could still be as good of a mom possible for our little boy who is now 3 1/2. I was wondering if we could connect through email somehow. I am not internet savy at all and wanted to start something similar with a girlfriend of mine who is going through her own stressful time and would love to get her hooked on running if possible - maybe a "blog" etc might be a great tool for us. My email is if you don't mind my asking a few questions on how you got this started. I was able to create a blog site but have no idea on what to do with it now???!!! God Bless you and your family. Lynn V.

Team Hanni said...

I learned a very important lesson from a dear sweet friend just after my last baby was born.

I had been gone 2 hours away to stay with my parents while I awaited for my little Grace to be born for about 3 weeks (a little strange..... but the doctor was fantastic). Anyway, I had my baby and then came home. Two sweet ladies from our ward came over to welcome me and the baby home. I was grateful for that they took time to come see me.

After they left my husband asked me who had come over - having been gone I had no idea what had happened to anyone from church. One of these sweet ladies had lost her husband to a heart attack the day my baby had been born. I felt like complete dirt, for not acknowledging my gratitude for her coming to see me at such a horrible time.

I guess the lesson I learned from her, was when she was struggling and dealing with a horrific loss - she was in my home, serving ME! Since that day I have thanked her over and over for teaching me this important lesson about trials. She is so Christ-like.

I don't know if this made sense, I guess I still can't believe she did this for me. When I am struggling, I think of what she did for me and try so hard to serve someone else. It eases the pain a little to help someone out.

You are wonderful, and I hope you are doing alright. I will keep praying for you!