Yesterday I was taught a lesson by my sweet 7 year old. He was planning on taking a karate class with 2 of his friends. I hadn't quite decided if I wanted to put him in the class, so when I finally made the decision the class was full. When I told Dallin, he collapsed in tears. He was so disappointed and was just bawling. I gave him my spiel about having a good attitude and how life doesn't always work out like you plan. He then said,
" How can I have a good attitude? What if I just can't stand it?"
All of a sudden, I didn't know what to say.
One of my weaknesses is my inability to deal with disappointment. I feel like I have a positive attitude in general, almost to the extreme. I decide how certain events are going to turn out, always assuming the best, and then when they don't turn out as planned, I too have collapsed in tears on many occasions. This is not going to be his last experience with a bummer situation and I guess I better learn now how I am going to help him through these. I am working on this on my own, and now my son will join me in my learning.
Any advice? For me and for him...
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3 comments:
When you get some advice- let me know, cause I could use the same. I always do that- have my mind set on exactly how something is going to happen, then have a very difficult time accepting it if it turns out differently. As far as my kids go- helping them accept "let downs" has varied depending on which child is facing the disappointment. Most important, I have found, is to let them feel what they are feeling. Don't dismiss it. Then work through it when they are ready to move on...
Maybe you guys could help one another. He's probably old enough to have a conversation and maybe even brainstorming about ideas for both of you.
I've never done this...but I should.
I have learned that it is okay to kick and scream. To take that moment to say that you are mad, sad, frustrated. Maybe tell him that is his time that he can go in his room and just let it out. When he does that, than it is time to be done, realize that it does stink, its okay to be sad and just not be able to stand it. Than find a plan that is better or can help.
I think we always think it is wrong to ever voice our opinion that something is just not right. We think we are being ungrateful, not going with it, whatever. The biggest lesson I learned through the Saviors prayer in Gethsamane is the fact that he said that he was not sure he could do it. That he wanted it removed. One sentence I never noticed was that he says that not my will be done, but thine. Now just my interrprutation of that is that his will at the moment is not aligned with Heavenly Father. He is scared and is realizing truly what he must go through. So he voices it, he says he is not pleased, says he doesn't think he can. However what he does next is the biggest lesson to me ever. After saying that he than says, not my will but thine. And he turns his attention to what he must do, no matter how unfair and sad and painful, and he does the fathers will. To me it is the same as it is okay to cry and be disappointed, but what do you do after that. That is what you teach him, well it is what I want to teach my kids.
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