Friday, November 14, 2008

I cried during Yoga

Sometimes things touch me at the strangest moments. I guess I should expect it in a class where you are encouraged to get in touch with your "center." However, if you know me at all, you know it is tough for me to truly get into a "zone" where my thoughts aren't going all over the place. I have tried Yoga a few times and never been able to truly let go and concentrate. Today was different and I needed it.

I had a perfect plan. I was taking the kids to Child Watch so that I could go to Yoga, and then Jeff would meet us after work and we would all go swimming. Well, first of all, I couldn't find my car key, and my kind neighbor let me drive her van to the Y. (Crazy girl, doesn't she know I am a terrible driver, ha ha?!) It was very kind of her, and it is only a mile away! So, I was running a few minutes late. No big deal. So then we get into Child Watch and Emily does her mad dash to the bathroom. I get there just in time to watch her pee all over the floor. I tried to stay calm. I had to make a decision. I even said out loud, "I don't know what to do about this Emily." Finally I decided that we wouldn't go swimming. She was not too happy about that. So, of course she went to Child Watch kicking and screaming. By the time I got out of there, I was very flustered. I called Jeff to let him know the update and he could tell I was irritated. I told him I might not go to Yoga. He said not to let it get to me and to go to class. By now I am 30 minutes late.

It took me a few minutes to calm down, but then all of a sudden it all went away. I was able to relax and enjoy the movements and the calmness of the instructor's voice. I felt uplifted and soothed. At the end as I was laying there with my eyes closed, there were a few phrases that really struck me and my emotions took over.

"Let go of all the negativity. It is not worth it. Feel the weight of it being lifted off."
"Take time for quiet moments."

I was very grateful that I stayed for the class. I felt renewed and ready to face the next thing. Unfortunately, the next thing happened as I walked out of class. When I saw Dallin he actually started complaining that we hadn't been there long enough and was really upset. So, I will admit I lost my cool a little.

I need practice, okay. "Let go of all the negativity." I will keep telling myself that. I really want to be able to give my full self to my kids. That is what they deserve.


amydear said...

Ooh, I need a little yoga! You're so lucky the Y is so close. Ours is a 20 minute drive away, so we're not signing up. Glad you listened to your inner self. :)

Hannah said...

I think it can be so easy to let these moments of motherhood creep a little to close and it is important to make the best out of a bad situation- this is a great example! You have to be able to fill your tank so you can give your best to them.

I have a hard time finding a zone in yoga as well and that probably means I need to do it more. I need practice quieting my mind apparently.

Kathy Rump said...

Also remember that you are human and have very strong emotions- it's okay to get frustrated- it's good for your kids to see you work through that frustration in a postive manner- this helps them learn and gain tools for when they encounter the same types of feelings. We are not perfect and our kids need to see that we are a work in progress!

JenLin said...

I've cried in Yoga too. It took me a long time in "corpse" to learn to quiet my mind, and when I finally did, what was revealed under all that busyness were thoughts of a lost loved one and lots of tears. Good luck with the yoga and the darling kiddos. I miss our talks while running.

Ranell said...

I cannot wait to do Bikram Yoga with you, Kelly! Just a few weeks and I'll be ready to go. It's easier in the heat to focus, I think, because your brain is so hot that it doesn't have the ability to have too many thoughts!

Good for you for still going to the class, even after all the trouble. I would have given up with the key part. I admire your strenght and ability to overcome. I know you feel like you have so many thoughts, but you are darn near perfect in my book!

Ranell said...

Okay, there were some typos in my first comment ... I was having a contraction so I didn't type that right. It was supposed to say, I know you feel like you have so many faults ... (not thoughts)

Brittany said...

It's so hard to find time to rejuvenate yourself when you're a mom. I'm glad you still went to yoga! I miss that class! BTW I've always known you to be a fabulous mom... patient, fun, encouraging and kind. Your kiddos are so lucky to have you.